Issue 185: The art of caring without losing yourself

I had a Be Well member tell me last week her morning went like this: school lunches with one hand, mum’s physio appointment on the phone with the other, Dad’s audiology appointment today, head to work by 9am. She laughed when she told me. It wasn’t a happy laugh.

If that sounds a bit like your week too, welcome to the much talked about ‘sandwich’ generation. You’re raising kids or grandkids whilst making sure your ageing parents are ok. Oh, and while we’re here, let’s toss some peri / menopause into the middle of all that multi-layered sandwich too!

Here’s what’s actually going on, in plain numbers. About 1 in 9 Australians, roughly 2.65 million people, mostly women, are unpaid carers. The work they do is worth close to $78 billion a year in unpaid labour. And a 2025 Carers Australia survey found that 61 per cent of carers report low wellbeing, compared with 34 per cent of the general adult population. Only half said caring gave their life meaning or purpose.

If you’re tired, stretched thin or quietly resentful some days, that’s not a personal failing. That’s an accurate response to a genuinely heavy load.

Turn ‘let me know if you need anything’ into an actual task. Nobody acts on a vague offer, including you when you’re the one making it. When a friend or neighbour asks how they can help, give them something specific: ‘Could you grab the kids from soccer Thursday?’ or ‘Could you drop off dinner one night this week?’ Specific requests get answered. Vague ones evaporate.

Use recovery like medicine, not a treat. Hot/cold plunge and sauna aren’t indulgences, they’re doing real physiological work. Cold exposure trains your nervous system to recover faster from stress. Heat exposure improves cardiovascular resilience and helps you sleep better. Carers run on elevated cortisol most days, and alternating between the two is one of the few things that actually brings that back down, not just makes you feel calmer for an hour.

Get checked before you assume you’re fine. Chronic stress hides in the body quietly, blood pressure creeping up, sleep quality dropping, until something trips. If it’s been a while since your last proper check up, book it now, not when something forces the issue.

Protect your sleep like it’s the job, because it is. Seven to eight hours is when your body does its actual repair work, physically and mentally. If caring duties are destroying your sleep, even small changes (a consistent wind down, no caffeine after 2pm) do more than people expect.

Build a roster, not a rescue mission. If you’re the only one who can do something, that’s not devotion, that’s a system with no backup. Sit down with siblings or family and split the load, even unevenly. One person does groceries, another does the Sunday phone call, another handles the paperwork. Nobody runs a busy kitchen with one cook on every station, and you shouldn’t be running your family that way either.

Let the guilt go when you step back. Taking a break doesn’t mean you love anyone less. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and pretending otherwise just means everyone eventually gets a worse version of you, including the people you’re caring for.

Another list of 6 things to do I hear you say? Just pick one this week.

One small, deliberate move at a time is how we get through the multi-layered sandwich years without disappearing in the middle of them.

You’re allowed to look after the person looking after everyone else.

Let Be Well be that for you. We’re here to keep you happier, healthier, stronger and better for the good, and the hard, days.

See you again soon